Kids Say the Darndest Things ... About Valentine's Day

 A Kid's Eye View of Valentine's Day

Gene Leach didn't have to do any acting in this Valentine's Day picture. During the shooting, he kept asking when he could quit. And when he returned to his Miller-Perry Kindergarten class and the other kids asked where he'd been, he said, "Getting kissed." His classmate Leslea Peters did the kissing. Before the picture-taking session started, she explained that she and Gene were friends and that they even had the same cold.

 

In February 1976 I visited Miller-Perry School to talk to kindergartners about Valentine's Day. 

Here is my story from that visit:

 

Allen Funt and Art Linkletter never had it so good.

When they were sitting around trying to elicit pearls of wit and wisdom from young minds, they were only dealing with three kids, four maximum.

But when I went to Miller Perry Kindergarten to talk about Valentine's Day with Mary Jane Hunt's class, I had to deal with 21 kids. All at one time.

My original intent was to talk to one kindergarten couple about what it's like to be young and in love at Valentine's Day. But there was a problem:

RANDY: My girlfriend is Leeona.

LEEONA: He's not my boyfriend. My boyfriend is Ronnie.

RONNIE: I was in love with Chris Ann, but now I like Vickie.

ROBERT: I like Vickie.

CHRIS COLE: Everybody likes Vickie.

It seems kindergarten couples are really threesomes and foursomes and all possible combinations. Society hasn't quite stamped them with its conventions, so they're perfectly content to love two, three, or ten girlfriends, boyfriends or both. Little kids want to marry their mommies, daddys, and, yes, heaven forbid, the Newspaper Man. (Both Lori Taylor. and Mack Ray. told me they wanted to marry me.)

So we started out our round table discussion with the kids Mary Jane thought would be good talkers. But you can't get little kids to say funny things on demand. In fact, after my three hours of cross-examining, I'm beginning to wonder how many miles of film Allen Funt has to throw away to get those two or three minutes of cuties he shows on "Candid Camera."

When we started, the kids were primed to talk into a tape recorder. But my tape recorder picked this day to exhaust its batteries: Sure, they could still talk into a tape recorder. But nothing came back out.

With no tape recorder for a novelty and no puppy love couple like I'd planned on, I had to fall back on my reporting background. But I'd never interviewed a five-year-old kid before.

How do you interview a little kid?

The answer is: you don't. They interview you. Ask a question, you get it right back.

Q: Who's your girlfriend:

A: Vickie. Who's yours?

Q: Do you think you'll get married?

A; I don't know. Are you married?

It's a hey-who's-this-story-about-anyway? When the tape recorder expired, I had to take notes. And little kids, who, according to their teacher, don't like to write as part of their school work, suddenly wanted to sign their names in my pad.

So my notes from the morning with the kids are half my notes and half theirs.

Even when I got my pad back to take notes, I was intimidated. They wanted to know what I was writing. I could sympathize with them. I remember what it was like to see writing and not know what it meant. The whole world is an "us" and you're a "them." Our round table discussion rapidly turned into a revolving door round table. Some kids would tire of talking about "that old love stuff" and would head off to the block room, and Mary Jane would trot some new ones in. It seemed no one wanted to answer some of my questions and then, when we finally hit upon a question someone wanted to answer, everyone wanted to answer it. And all at the same time,

I found myself nodding at Randy, looking at Angie, and listening to Ronnie. Meanwhile Mack was giving my hand a karate chop and Leeona was pulling my pad away.

I was Gulliver and the Lilliputians were winning again.

(My day at the kindergarten was proof positive that in the land of the little people, the giant would not be king.)

By lunch I had four pages of notes, four pages of scrawl, and the hope that my memory would retain what I didn't get to write during those long periods when Mack was working on his story in my pad.

For lunch I was assigned to the “Snoopy” group, which meant I sat on a chair the size of a stool and opened catsup, and mustard packages for Angie who didn't use them anyway. Angle told me she wanted to kiss me (and did), Chris told me that if I ate everything on my plate I would get a surprise. Alan told me that when they called "Snoopys" we were supposed to get in a straight line and put our trash in the can, and Lari told me she loved me.

Photographer Earl Carter came after lunch and we had another round table discussion while he took pictures. Ronnie Culhane again told us about Don Cupid. Chris Cole reiterated his belief that Superman started Valentine's Day, and Angie Smith begged for relief from talking about "this love stuff."

Before I left, they gave me a Valentine they'd all signed. And Angie whispered to me that I had to promise to send her a Valentine and that she would send me one.

As I drove away, I was envious of Mary Jane because she gets paid to spend all day with those interesting little kids. But then I realized she's probably envious of me. Because I get to drive away.

 

The children in Mary Jane Hunt's kindergarten class at Miller-Perry School talked about Valentine's Day, love and marriage one day this past week. Joining in the discussion were Leeona Long, Alan Ward. DeAnne Riley, Monte Powers, Wesley Marshall, Mack Ray, Randy Weiberg, Angie Smith, Ronnie Culhane, Chris Cole, Michael McNew, Gene Leach, and Leslea Peters.

 

On dating

CHRIS: I don't ever go on dates. It's too much trouble. And besides I don't know where she lives.

Q: How do you get a date?

RANDY: You just kiss her and keep on kissing her until you get a date.

LEEONA: If I get married, I'll give someone my cold

 

Q: What is love?

WESLEY: Love means to put your arm around someone.

ANGIE: I gotta get out of this love stuff.

WESLEY: It's when you have a baby. Then you name it Scratch, because it itches.

DEANNE: When you marry somebody, that's love.

RANDY: When you get in love, you feel like hearts are all around your head.

RONNIE: I like Vickie because she wears pretty dresses.

 

Q: What do you look for in a girlfriend?

CHRIS: I look for good hair.

Q: How do you get a girlfriend?

RONNIE: You dress up good and clean.

ANGIE: You just pick out a girl you like and go grab her.

Q: I don't have a girlfriend: What should I do to get one?

GENE: You don't have a girlfriend? I've got ten. I'll give you one of mine. I'll give you Allison.

Q: Where is she?

GENE: Oh, she's sick today,

Q: How could I get a girl friend?

LORI: 1 could loan you my Donnie Osmond record. Then you could get her some candy and take her to the movie.

Q: Which movie?

MONTE: Take her to see Snow White.

RONNIE: That's for kids!

WESLEY: Take her to see JAWS.

MACK: Take her to see a scary movie.

RONNIE: Then she'd snuggle up to you.

Q: What makes a good girlfriend?

GENE: It should be someone who lives down the street.

Q: Who is your girlfriend?

WESLEY: Vickie. I don't know quite why. It's a long story.

 

On marriage

Q: Are you going to get married?

LEEONA: No, I better not. 'Cause then someone would get my cold.

Q: How do you get a wife?

MACK: You gotta say I love you, then you write their name down and you've got a wife.

 

On kissing

Q: How do you know when you want to kiss someone?

GENE: My mind just makes me kiss her.

Q: What does it feel like to kiss?

WESLEY: It feels like you've got paint in your eye.

 

 

Q: What should I get her for Valentine's?

WESLEY: Get her a heart, like the one here on the left side.

Q: What would she do with it?

WESLEY: I don't know. I'd eat it.

Q. Why do we have Valentine's Day?

GENE: Because of Easter.

MACK: So we can have something to eat.

RONNIE: Because of Don Cupid. I heard him at our door. He takes all the hearts and then he brings them back. He's about our size only a little smaller.

Q: (A cupid silhouette is pointed out on the wall) Is that him up there?

RONNIE: No, that's a fairy.

Q: What do you plan to do on Valentine's Day?

CHRIS: Watch cartoons

Q: Who started Valentine's Day?

ALAN: God.

LESLEA: Jesus

CHRIS: Superman

Q: What did they do on the first Valentine's day?

CHRIS: Superman made Valentines.

MONTE: They ate turkey.