This Is Jeopardy...

 

The Night I Was on Jeopardy

It was 24 years ago that I was on “Jeopardy.”

Not as a contestant.

I was a category.

It was November 16, 1998. My book about drug stores, “Do Pharmacists Sell Farms,” had just been published by Simon & Schuster.

And I missed the episode of “Jeopardy.” No one at my publisher had called to tell me I was going to be a “Jeopardy” category. I’m not even sure they knew.

My son and I had gone out to eat and when we got home, the phone was ringing off the hook and my answering machine was full. I had about 30 messages, all of which went like this: “Hey Vince, did you know you’re on ‘Jeopardy?’”

Fortunately the local station in Louisville made a videotape for me.

So here’s the Home Version of my 15 seconds (actually 55 seconds) of fame on “Jeopardy.”

You can play along with the contestants: Peter, Dana and Creswell.

Peter selected my category, “In the Drugstore,” for $100.

Alex: Leo Gerstenzang thought up this product when he saw his wife twirl cotton on a toothpick and use it as a swab.

Peter: What is the Q-Tip?

Ding-ding, correct.

Peter: In the Drugstore for $200.

Alex: One of its former slogans called it “the candy mint with a hole.”

Creswell: What is the Life Saver?

Ding-ding, correct.

Creswell: In the Drugstore for $300.

Alex: In 1907 he developed his first corn pad, probably after he developed his first corn.

Peter: Who is Dr. Scholl?

Ding-ding, correct.

By now I’m starting to think my category is a little too easy.

Peter: Same category for $400.

Alex: This tissue-shrinking compound is said to be one of the top 5 items stolen from drugstores.

Dana: What is an anti-histamine?

Alex: No…Peter?

Peter: What is Preparation H? (audience laughs)

Alex Trebek: That’s what they are stealing.

Peter: Let’s finish the category for $500.

Alex: Vince Staten’s book “Do Pharmacists Sell Farms” calls this product “the WD-40 of the drugstore.”

Alex mispronounced my name, of course, calling me STAT-en instead of STATE-n.

But it didn’t matter because I was on “Jeopardy.” And in the $500 category, I stumped them!

None of the three knew “the WD-40 of the drugstore.”

It’s Vaseline.

 

I think being a category on Jeopardy is as good as it gets for me and the show. I don’t want to be a contestant.

I just know that if I were a contestant, Ken Jennings or Mayim Bialik would reveal the board and the categories would be Opera, Italian Renaissance Art, Ice Hockey, Shakespeare’s Histories, Gardening, and Birds of Asia.

In college my friends and I used to pretend we were contestants and play along every day during lunch (“Jeopardy” was televised at noon then).

At lunch time I would go over to Rusty Brashear’s apartment and he and I and his roommate would play along. But being college students, we played along in a smart aleck manner.

When then-host Art Fleming would enter the studio, we would shout along with him: “Thank you studio audience, thank you players, thank you Don Pardo.”

Don Pardo was the long-time announcer. (He was also the long-time announcer for “Saturday Night Live.”)

And then when an answer was revealed, we would shout out the question – on Jeopardy it must be phrased in the form of a question – but with a twist. If the answer were, say, “The Father of Our Country,” one of us would shout: “How is George Washington?” or “Why is George Washington?” We thought that was funny.

“Jeopardy” is still my favorite quiz show for that reason, it’s a quiz and not a game.

And if I were to sit down and list my top ten accomplishments in life, one of them would be this: Being on Jeopardy.

I wasn’t a contestant, mind you. I was a category.