The Unhandyman

 

A New Book!

(just in time for Father's Day)

If you were to look up the word “unhandyman” in the dictionary, you wouldn’t find anything. It’s not in the dictionary.

But if it were in the dictionary, it would have my picture next to it.

I am The Unhandyman.

Not that I don’t try to be handy.

I’ve battled leaky faucets and leaky sailboats. (I sunk the sailboat!)

I’ve battled some-assembly-required bookshelves and lots-of-assembly-required swing sets.

And I’ve lost every time.

I finally accepted my shortcomings when I heard my five-year-old son explain to my mother how you fix things: You take a screwdriver and you throw it and you say “Dammit.”

I’m so used to being “The Unhandyman” that I’ve titled my latest book “The Unhandyman: Misadventures in Fixing Things.”

There was the time the tub was clogged. I had tried a plumbing snake and was all set to pour Drano in when my friend Bruce Haney stopped by to see if he could help. (Bruce has been my clean-up man for years, fixing the things I tried to fix and only made worse.) He just flipped the lever on the tub, the stopper popped up and the water miraculously – in my view anyway – disappeared.

There was the time the smoke alarm wouldn’t stop chirping, even after I took the battery out! Turned out it was a different smoke alarm that was chirping.

And then there was the time I assembled an entire swing set! In the garage. The problem was it was in the garage and it wouldn’t fit under the garage door to take outside. So I disassembled it, reassembled it outside – I’d already assembled it once; how hard would it be to assemble it again? – only to find a Mystery Part laying on the ground. Wonder how important that part is….

I could go on. I do in the book.

“The Unhandyman” is available on Amazon ($5.95 plus shipping, free shipping if you are a Prime member). It’s also a Kindle e-book (free if you subscribe to Kindle Unlimited).

Remember, not every dad wants a Home Depot gift card for Father’s Day. 

Happy Father's Day to all the dads out there. Here is my father and me on Father's Day 1950.